FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, Catnip Apothecary, Behind the Radiator.
Catnip Apothecary is proud to announce that its flagship Moonlight Mist Spray will from this week be formulated exclusively for cats. Humans may still buy it. Humans may still spray it. Humans will notice nothing at all, and this is, we are told, entirely the point.
Background
Moonlight Mist began life as a pillow spray for restless sleepers. Early customer feedback was strong. Cats loved it. Humans said it smelled of damp hay. A formal review was convened under a table by our head of product, Pharmacist Biscuit, who sniffed the bottle for eleven minutes and delivered a verdict of ‘mine now’.
What has changed
The new formula contains the following ingredients, listed in order of how loudly they were requested by cats:
- Dried valerian, for the feeling of having done something
- Catnip essence, for the feeling of having done something else
- A drop of moonlight, harvested on the night of a full moon from a saucer left on the windowsill
- Water, which is there to be wet
The packaging has also been updated. The bottle is now shaped like a small fish. The cap is shaped like a larger fish. The label contains no instructions, because cats do not read them and humans do not need them.
Statement from leadership
‘This is a proud day,’ said Dr Mortimer Whiskerton, founder. ‘For years we marketed to the wrong species. We have corrected that. Our customers are now the ones who have always been in charge.’ He then asked whether anyone had seen his reading glasses, which were on the floor, being knocked off the counter by a customer.
Availability
Moonlight Mist Spray will be available from our online shop and at the front counter, where it will be sniffed by the customer, rejected, sniffed again, accepted, and carried away in a manner that cannot be described as legal. A limited run of 500 bottles is planned. We expect to sell out within an hour. We also expect Herbert to sit on the stockroom door and eat the packing paper.
About Catnip Apothecary
Catnip Apothecary offers herbs, tonics and one very enthusiastic customer. The enthusiastic customer is available for comment but is currently lying on the delivery boxes and cannot be moved.
Media enquiries may be directed to the contact page. Responses may take up to nine days, because the person who reads the contact page has been napping since Thursday.
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