Frequently Asked Questions About Our Catnip Tea

Catnip Tea, Humans Not Recommended, is one of our best sellers. It is also one of our most misunderstood products. The following questions are asked daily, usually by the same people.

Can humans drink it?

The label says humans are not recommended. It does not say humans are forbidden. It is a polite suggestion, written in a gentle font, by a cat who knows you will ignore it. Humans who drink the tea report a warm feeling, a strong wish to sit down, and a sudden suspicion that the kettle is watching them.

What does it taste like?

It tastes like a hedge. A pleasant hedge, in the sense that it has been somewhere nice. Some customers add honey. Some add lemon. One customer added a small amount of tuna, and has since been asked not to return to the tea shop that shares our street.

How should it be brewed?

• Boil fresh water and let it cool slightly
• Add one spoon of leaves per cup
• Steep for four minutes
• Place the cup on a table and observe from a distance, because your cat has just arrived

Why is my cat looking at me like that?

Your cat has smelled the tea. Your cat has decided it belongs to the cat. This is a legal position held by all cats, and it has never been challenged successfully. Hand over the cup, or prepare to be stared at until you do.

Does the tea improve sleep?

Our Sleep Pillow, Occupied, is the better product for that. The tea tends to produce an hour of calm followed by an hour of zooming. If you drink it and begin to zoom, we recommend a long hallway and no mirrors.

Is it safe?

We are an apothecary run by cats, and we do not give medical advice. Anything on this page is a joke. Please consult a real professional if you have questions about herbs and your own health, and a real vet if you have questions about your cat.

Can I buy it in bulk?

Yes. Bulk orders are packed in sacks, and the sacks are guarded by Herbert until collection. He will not release a sack without a polite request and a small payment in sardines.

Our tea is steeped with love, and with a degree of caution that the customer should not examine closely.