Catnip Apothecary today issues a voluntary recall of the Calm Kit Gift Set, batch number Eleven. The recall has been prompted by customer reports that the Calm Kit is, in the words of one affected household, ‘unreasonably calming’.
What happened
The Calm Kit contains a lavender sachet, a dried chamomile pillow, a small bottle of Moonlight Mist and a card bearing the single word Relax. It was designed to take the edge off a stressful afternoon. It has instead taken the entire afternoon.
Reports received to date include a cat who slept for nineteen hours, a cat who slept through a fire alarm test, and a cat who slept through the report itself, which our team had to submit on his behalf. One household reported that the owner also fell asleep, and woke to find the cat sitting on his chest, calm, supervising.
Who is affected
The recall applies to Calm Kit Gift Sets with a green ribbon. Sets with a blue ribbon were mixed up with the Wake Kit during packing and are therefore, we are told, perfectly lively. If you are unsure which ribbon you have, ask your cat. Your cat will not answer, but the manner of not answering is informative.
What to do
- Stop using the product only if you can remember how
- Keep the original packaging, which the cat is probably sleeping in
- Do not wake a cat who is asleep on a Calm Kit. The Apothecary will accept no liability for the consequences
- Return the item to the shop for a replacement or a refund, at a time convenient to the cat
Our response
We have reviewed our procedures. Pharmacist Biscuit has been asked to taste less. The batch ribbons will be colour tested by a cat who is awake. A new warning label has been added to the lid, reading: Not for use on days you wish to do things.
Dr Mortimer Whiskerton said, ‘We regret any restfulness caused.’ He added that sales had never been higher, and that the replacement set would be named Calm Kit Extra. This was not well received by the legal department, which is also a cat, and which went to sleep during the call.
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