TO: All staff of Catnip Apothecary FROM: Dr Mortimer Whiskerton, Founder SUBJECT: The stock
Colleagues,
It has come to my attention that our inventory figures no longer match the contents of the shelves. After an audit conducted by Hyssop and a clipboard, I regret to report that a significant amount of stock has been sniffed.
Findings of the audit
- Loose Leaf Reserve: down by three sacks, none of which have been sold
- Bath Salts, Cat Declines: untouched, as expected
- Sleep Pillow, Occupied: occupied
- Moonlight Mist Spray: six bottles missing, one found in Herbert’s bed, one found in my coat, four unaccounted for but strongly implied
A note on sniffing
Sniffing is part of the job. I understand this. A good apothecary knows his stock by smell. But there is a difference between sniffing and sitting in the sack. There is also a difference between sampling and a three hour absence from the counter. Staff who cannot tell the difference should speak to Pharmacist Biscuit, who also cannot tell the difference, but who is very warm.
New measures
From Monday the following rules apply:
- Stock must be weighed before and after each shift
- Staff must keep paws out of the sacks, except when authorised, which is never
- All loaf shapes on the shelves will be photographed and logged
- Herbert will be given a title, Chief Inspector of Smells, in the hope that this satisfies him
A reminder about the customer
Our one very enthusiastic customer, Mr Pickles, remains on the doorstep. He is not to be given stock. He is not to be given tea. He is to be given his toast, which comes from the bakery and not from our shelves.
Closing remarks
I am aware that this memo will be read aloud in the back room by Herbert in a dramatic voice and will be followed by a nap. I accept this. I only ask that the stock be counted again on Friday, by someone awake.
With thanks and a slight headache,
Dr M. Whiskerton
PS: If anyone has seen my reading glasses, please do not tell me where they are. I would like to look for them.
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