Visitors to Catnip Apothecary often ask about the smell. It is a fair question. The smell is green, sharp, a little minty and strangely persuasive, and it begins roughly forty metres before the front door. Our founder, Dr Mortimer Whiskerton, has agreed to answer it once, in writing, so that staff can point to this page.
The short answer
The smell is catnip. We stock a great deal of it. Dr Whiskerton says that a shop selling herbs and tonics should smell of herbs and tonics, and that anyone expecting a faint lavender note has misread the sign. The sign says Apothecary. It does not say Spa.
The longer answer
The long answer involves the back room, which the staff call the Reserve. The Reserve contains forty sacks of dried catnip, one humidity gauge, and Herbert, our mascot, who has not left since March. Herbert says he is conducting quality control. The humidity gauge disagrees but is not consulted.
Every morning Dr Whiskerton opens the Reserve, takes a deep breath, and announces the day’s grade. Yesterday’s grade was Excellent. The day before was Excellent. Historians will note that no other grade exists on the chart, because the chart was drawn by Herbert, who only knows the one word.
Frequently raised concerns
- Is the smell harmful to humans? Humans report mild confusion, an urge to sit on the floor, and sudden affection for strangers. We consider this a good Tuesday.
- Can the smell be reduced? Yes, by removing the catnip. We do not accept this as an answer.
- Why does the postman refuse to come inside? He has his reasons, and he has described them at length to our insurer.
- Will my coat smell afterwards? Your coat will smell like victory, and also like catnip. Several cats will follow you home. Please plan accordingly.
Our commitment
We remain committed to a shop that smells exactly as strong as our stock demands. We have installed a small fan. The fan points the smell towards the street, which we are told is how fans work. Business has increased. Footfall has increased. Local cats have started arriving in groups, and some of them bring friends who sit outside and look through the window with an expression of pure longing.
Dr Whiskerton wishes to close with a personal statement. ‘A good apothecary is known by its air,’ he said, before sitting down on the welcome mat and not getting up for forty minutes. We ask customers to step around him. He is fine. He is simply enjoying the air.
If you would like to experience the smell in person, we open at nine. If you would like to avoid it, we recommend ordering online, though the parcels do carry a trace. Our courier has asked us to stop calling it a trace.
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